Monday, May 20, 2013

Savor the Moment

Deal with it folks!  Truth be known, I get teary at a good Mc Donalds commercial.  So, it would only seem fit that my emotions would run high during graduation season.  I don't bawl and wail, I do my best to keep it on the D Low,  but lately I find myself tearing up quite a bit. 

Yesterday my oldest son went off to his senior prom.  I let him skip school today and I called in for him.  What can I say?  I'm a rebel!  (Whoda thought when I was doing my best to cultivate my "Punk/Mod" look while I was in High School, that 25 years later "rebel" would mean calling in absent for my kid!) And of course, since Morgan wasn't around to drive Brenden to school, naturally, Brenden got the day off as well.  (What?  I was sleeping in!!!) It was good to have a mental health day.  May is the calm before the storm.  Once June hits, all hell brakes loose!  Work is nonstop, prep for grad party, family in from outta town, ceremonies and parties!  I've been forced to be still this month due to a surgery.  So while I usually work on Monday nights, I got to enjoy dinner with my family.  

Dinner with the family was more frequent when the boys were younger.  Now, everyone seems to run on a different schedule.  More often than not, when I am home for dinner, I find that it's just me and my husband.  The quiet is strange.  Not bad, just different, and I know that we are a family in the midst of transition.   

I'm not going to be one of those mothers who clings, while her children are trying to spread their wings.  I want them to spread their wings.  I want them to be independent.  I want them to be confident.  I want them to be self sufficient.  But when they do find themselves challenged,  I also want them to come to me for advice.  I want them to save some time for me, even in the midst of their busy lives.  I've been successful so far.  I like my kids. I enjoy spending time with them!  I like the adults they are becoming. I think my husband and I have done a good job!  Yeah, mistakes along the way, but overall, a good job.  Besides, mistakes are good fodder for blog entries!

 Tonight was one of those nights when we fell into a natural rhythm.  Nothing special.  We grilled. We Had the I pod dock in the window and Pandora playing country.  Everyone lingered around the table.  There was a song request which forced us to resort to You Tube.  We took turns in rotation playing each of our favorites.  Conversation was relaxed and lively.  Nobody rushed to go in, nobody had to be anywhere.  And I savored every moment!  When the day comes that they are not so available to me, I'll miss it.  

I expect there will be more tears shed in the coming month.  On a positive note, I probably won't have a lot of time to sit and let my thoughts linger!  No tears shed tonight, however.  Tonight I simply enjoyed the evening for what it was...and savored it!  

Wednesday, May 15, 2013

Soul Food

Summer is coming, and of course my mind wanders north of the 45th parallel.  Soul food!  That's where my head is.  No, not catfish!  Not that kind of soul food.  The kind that nourishes, and refreshes your spirit!  Where exactly north of the 45th am I?  Cheboygan, Michigan.  Cheyboygan is the "Big City", if you ever find yourself in the "Tip of the Mitt".  But for those of us who are trapped in suburban sprawl, it's a small town getaway. 

 Along Main Street is a bookstore.  It doesn't have a Starbucks in it.  It's not home to a children's section with a jungle gym and puppet theater.  If they don't have a book, they can't check stock online to see if the store in Petosky has a copy, because there is no store in Petosky!  It's small, and independently owned.  What is does have are creaky old floors and bookshelves assembled in a garage or basement.  It has tin ceilings painted white, and a clerk behind the counter who can tell a townie from a snowbird or tourist.  Whenever I am out of town I try to pick up a book on the history of the area, or the novel of a local author.  I'll putz around for an hour or so, people watching, and browsing the shelves.  But I've only whet my appetite.  I'm still hungry! 

 I cross the street (jaywalk!) and head down a couple of blocks to the local ice cream shop.  Wire chairs with hearts covered in red vinyl on the back are arranged around tables.  The theme is pink and white throughout.  Waiting behind a weary family who has just come in from a day on the boat gives me time to contemplate my choices.  Superman?  No, I had that last time.  Traverse City Cherry?  Naw!  Too sweet.  Beartracks!!!  I'm up north, I should get Beartracks!  I finally decide on an old standby, Mint Chocolate Chip.  You can never go wrong with Mint Chocolate Chip!  If I'm with the rest of my family, I'll take a taste of everyone's cone just to confirm my choice. Yes.  I had made the right decision!  My soul is grinning!!

I head back out and cross the street.  My destination?  A bench on the edge of the river.  Book in hand.  Ice cream cone dripping down my chin, (I knew I should have grabbed a few more napkins) I find an open bench in the late afternoon sun of a July afternoon.  I plant myself, taking in the sights and sounds of boaters coming in after a day out on Lake Huron.  I wave.  They wave.  I take my flip flops off so that I can feel the cool grass beneath my feet.  The sound of the water lapping against the dock mixes with the distant sounds of traffic on Main.  My appetite has been satisfied!  This, my friends, is soul food!

Tuesday, May 14, 2013

Here I am again.  

It's been a while.  I haven't wanted to get on here, until now.  I've been on a journey of sorts (Without trying to sound all philosophical). It's been a very personal journey of self discovery.  If I were to look back, I think I may have begun my journey when I started this blog.  I started this for me, nobody else.  It was meant to be cathartic. What I've been dealing with has been too personal, to intense to share here.  But I'm back.  And in control of my life.  

So, let's catch up, shall we?  Where has my journey taken me?  Well, I've made some changes.  Positive changes.  I've lost 100 lbs.  I've made a lifestyle change to a paleo diet.  (a work in progress)  I used to hate the gym!  I've grown to love it.  It has been a constant in a battle against depression.  A time solely for me and for me alone. Therapy!

I've been told what I'm experiencing is a "Mid Life Crisis".  My well meaning girlfriend suggested I was hormonal and pre-menopausal!  I suppressed the urge to slap her!!  Whatever you want to call it, I'm trying to figure out who I want to be when I grow up.  My kids are on the launching pad, and my role is changing.  I've been stagnant and refuse to remain so any longer.  I have a finite amount of time on this earth and I want to get everything I can out of it! I want to live life!

I started this journey alone.  Very alone.  I have company now!  I am writing this not just for me, (as it may seem more of a journal entry) but to encourage.  I was recently asked what the most courageous thing I had ever done.  Well, I'd never rescued anyone from a burning building.  I'd never parachuted out of a plane (and I NEVER will!!!)  The most courageous thing I have ever done is to change, and that was scary!!  I saw things I didn't like about me, or my life, and I went about changing them.  The best thing is, Mark decided to make changes as well.  And that is what I was missing most.  Some company!